“How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie

Just finished reading How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.  My friend, Leo Siu, recommended this book to me back in September 2009.  Along with Leo’s highly recommendation about it, Dale Carnegie’s reputation attracted me to reading this book.  Dale Carnegie is famous for his two sayings, “Believe that you will succeed, and you will,” and “Learn to love, respect and enjoy other people.”  Mr. Carnegie might be the most well-known author in the field of communication and public speaking.  He also wrote a biography of Abraham Lincoln titled Lincoln the Unknown and several other books.  When Dale Carnegie published How to Win Friends and Influence People in 1937, it enjoyed immediate success and became one of the best-sellers of all time.  This is another reason why I picked up this book.  How can a book that was written in the 1930s be still popular nearly 80 years later?  After reading it, I understand the power of positive human relationship.  Most of the points Dale Carnegie mentioned in his book seemed like common sense, but I seldom applied them in reality.  I’m hoping I’ll be able to use them in my daily interaction with others in the new year.  The followings are the main points from Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People:

Part II Six Ways to Make People Like You

Chapter One – Do this and you’ll be welcome anywhere

  • Rule 1: Become genuinely interested in other people.

Chapter Two – A simple way to make a good first impression

  • Rule 2: Smile.

Chapter Three – If you don’t do this, you are headed for trouble

  • Rule 3: Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in the English language.

Chapter Four – An easy way to become a good conversationalist

  • Rule 4: Be a good listener.  Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Chapter Five – How to interest people

  • Rule 5: Talk in terms of the other man’s interest.

Chapter Six – How to make people like you instantly

  • Rule 6: Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.


Part III Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

Chapter One – You can’t win an argument

  • Rule 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

Chapter Two – A sure way of making enemies – and how to avoid it

  • Rule 2: Show respect for the other man’s opinions. Never tell a man he is wrong.

Chapter Three – If you’re wrong, admit it

  • Rule 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

Chapter Four – The high road to a man’s reason

  • Rule 4: Begin in a friendly way.

Chapter Five – The secret of Socrates

  • Rule 5: Get the other man saying “yes, yes” immediately.

Chapter Six – The safety valve in handling complaints

  • Rule 6: Let the other man do a great deal of the talking.

Chapter Seven – How to get co-operation

  • Rule 7: Let the other man feel that the idea is his.

Chapter Eight – A formula that will work wonders for you

  • Rule 8: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

Chapter Nine – What everybody wants

  • Rule 9: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

Chapter Ten – An appeal that everybody likes

  • Rule 10: Appeal to the nobler motives.

Chapter Eleven – The movies do it. Radio does it. Why don’t you do it?

  • Rule 11: Dramatize your ideas.

Chapter Twelve – When nothing else works, try this

  • Rule 12: Throw down a challenge.


Part IV Nine Ways to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

Chapter One – If you must find fault, this is the way to begin

  • Rule 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

Chapter Two – How to criticize – and not be hated for it

  • Rule 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

Chapter Three – Talk about your own mistakes first

  • Rule 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

Chapter Four – No one likes to take orders

  • Rule 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

Chapter Five – Let the other man save his face

  • Rule 5: Let the other man save his face

Chapter Six – How to spur men on to success

  • Rule 6: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise”.

Chapter Seven – Give the dog a good name

  • Rule 7: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

Chapter Eight – Make the fault seem easy to correct

  • Rule 8: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

Chapter Nine – Making people glad to do what you want

  • Rule 9: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.


Part VI Seven Rules for Making Your Home Life Happier

Chapter One – How to dig your marital grave in the quickest possible way

  • Rule 1: Don’t nag.

Chapter Two – Love and let live

  • Rule 2: Don’t try to make your partner over.

Chapter Three – Do this and you’ll be looking up the time-tables to Reno

  • Rule 3: Don’t criticize.

Chapter Four – A quick way to make everybody happy

  • Rule 4: Give honest appreciation.

Chapter Five – They mean so much to a woman

  • Rule 5: Pay little attention.

Chapter Six – If you want to be happy, don’t neglect this one

  • Rule 6: Be courteous.

Chapter Seven – Don’t be a “Marriage Illiterate”

  • Rule 7: Read a good book on the sexual side of marriage.