I finished reading the Discipline Without Damage – How to Get Your Kids to Behave Without Messing Them Up book by Dr. Vanessa Lapointe. It was a good read. Coming from a very strict and disciplinary family and background, I needed new strategies to discipline my kids. I do not want to apply what I went through on them, but the whole Western culture is just too “loose” in my opinion. I needed a balance. This book was perfect. I want to share the nine key stepping stones to discipline without damage in the moment:
- Respond with connection: Have children feel your intention to understand them and do right by them.
- Stay low: Respond with calmness and control in an intensely caring way.
- Drop a flag: Provide a very quick and simple direction of what needs to happen (aim for 5 words).
- Maintain firmness with kindness: Hold your line and have compassion.
- Give no explanation: Avoid explaining your position to children.
- Choose your moments: Be mindful of your children’s zone of need and set boundaries intuitively.
- Exit gracefully if needed: Maintain control if you need to abandon the boundary.
- Keep relationship as the bottom line: Do nothing that will interfere with the relationship you are cultivating with your children.
- Debrief the incident once calm prevails: Start at the beginning and move through to the safety of the ending. Avoid blame or shame.